In America we eat man semen.
birth control should be required to get into college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
