I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
