areolas are like halos for boobs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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