love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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