you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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