fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
