Kiss
Puke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
