A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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