I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize