Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
too bad you live with your parents still
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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