That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
