I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
from now on my penis is your penis
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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