The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
