You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
