somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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