I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
