end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
