Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
