Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do herpes really smell.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
