the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
