Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
