The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
