Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
