The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
