she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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