I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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