we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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