i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i need some magic done to my vagina
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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