Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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