All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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