I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
