That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
