Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
