Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
