i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
