I am midnight drunk by noon
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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