note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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