Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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