You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
being pregnant is like rehab
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
