no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
