i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize