I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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