Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
