whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
