My liver just broke up with me...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
