You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
