She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
