Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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