youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
