Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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