Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
