How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
