Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
