My friends, they love my intelligence
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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