my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
