Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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