I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
