I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
