I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize