you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
