I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
