The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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