i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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