I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
