She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize