There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
