I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
