I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
