I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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