dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
