I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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