just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
