There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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