Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
