so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
