Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
