You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
