well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
