im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His nipple licking is glorious
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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