i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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