how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
