I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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