hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize