Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
