Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
