never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
