If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
