...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
